Is there anything more daunting than the sight of a state patrol car zooming in on you from behind?

I was stopped and ticketed last week for various very bad things I had done which were against the law.

There was a Marlon Brando/James Dean moment of exhilaration, a fleeting milli-second where I wondered what it would be like to press the pedal to the metal and just take off.

Oh yes indeed.

Anyone who's ever seen Viggo Mortensen's MAGNIFICENT performance in "Vanishing Point" can relate, as he leads law enforcement on a astounding car chase that as I recall lasts weeks, across country with the entire nation watching and falling in love with this bad guy/hero who is really innocent.

EDGE OF YOUR SEAT ending.....it took me days to recover.

Anyway, since I'm scared to go fast I pulled over, rolled down my window and looked up.

What a sight it was to behold.

Ten gallon hat; black, streamlined sunglasses reflecting the sun just right; a chiseled, young Burt Lancaster face, not a bead of sweat on it and it was an 80-degree day; impeccable NAVY (true Navy, not dark blue) uniform without a thread or wrinkle on it; badge blinding me with it's gleam.

I once saw a public television show in which they showed a Marine getting his dress uniform ready for his duty guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier. The finishing touch was another, well-practiced Marine taking a lighter and going over the entire uniform to burn away any minuscule hairs or invisible threads.


You get the picture.

I sat slack-jawed, temporarily mute. Would I have to be frisked? I wondered.

No one ever told me before that my little Vibe needed a front license plate. It came without one.

And I thought I changed my address with the DMV but I am often delusional and maybe I just dreamed it.

When he asked if there was a reason I wasn't wearing a seat belt, I hung my head in shame and whispered:

"no...........sir......"

Guess what the last words were I uttered as he handed me a pile of tickets and walked away.

"Thank you....really."