My dear sister,

Obviously you are not honoring our poor, dead mother's wishes by revisiting the Jerry Lewis telethon episode, are you?

I did speak with David Canary, who, after his stint on "Bonanza" as "Candy," the hired hand, has starred for years on the soap opera "All My Children," in fact playing dual roles magnificently as twin brothers Adam and Stewart Chandler.

I think you were the one crying because you didn't get to talk to him.

As for Mr. Rogers, licking water out of a bowl like a cat, while that may be true, mother and I were just trying to wean you off the guy. We said, Diane, you are in high school now, it's time to expand your horizons.

I loved that man. When my kids were little we watched it twice a day, my toe-haired son screaming "ROGERS IS ON, ROGERS IS ON!"

So from now on please practice what we were taught, beginning at a young age.

'What goes on in this house, stays in this house, you hear me?"