I have to go to the dentist and prepare for the bridge I've been putting off for years.
I kind of liked being gape-toothed in a professional setting. It it just one small way to, once again, stick it to the man.

You know, not having that blinding white smile which is the trend with everyone bleaching their teeth.

My middle-aged friends consider it a "miracle breakthrough" in retaining a semblance of oral youth. I tried it once. It burned and felt like I was doing laundry in my mouth.

My dentist said she has had countless women my age in her office with eroded tooth enamel from the constant bleaching of their teeth.

I've learned to live with mine.

"Try not to smile or laugh," my kids would tell me.

Then they tried a subtler approach.

"Mom, your teeth are hideous."

My dentist is a goddess, truly, because she helped me overcome my fear of dentists, which dates back to 1976. I was living in Italy and had a tooth infection. Held down by two attendants a dentist with very hairy arms burned away my gums with a hot wire. Smoke poured out of my mouth and I passed out.

I am not one for altered states anymore. I don't even like cold medicine. First, everything makes me tired. Second, I have a hard enough time living in the reality as we know it. I don't need any setbacks.

There's one exception.
Nitrous oxide.
It's difficult to explain in words how it works. Suffice to say there's a six inch needle being plunged through your gums up into the mjaor nerve that runs under your cheekbone and for some reason, it's extremely funny.